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Wake
1. A convivial soiree with a preserved corpse in the room. 2. What the mourners would be visibly startled to see the corpse do, esp. those expecting a sizeable inheritance. |
War
One of the more popular televised spectator sports, despite the notable lack of coherent scoring rules and genial play-by-play commentary. |
Wedding
A religious ceremony commonly followed by a catered extravaganza featuring cold salmon and bubbly. A good time had by all at the expense of the bride's father; the reason most married men still pray for sons. |
Wedding Ring
A subtle signal to single admirers that they should abandon all hope, since the wearer already has. |
Weight Lifter
One who, if his body were a car, would design himself along the lines of a 1959 Cadillac. |
Welfare
A public safety net strung up to catch the casualties of the free market system and keep them tangled in the webbing for generations. |
Werewolf
A legendary predator prone to monthly bouts of FMS (Full Moon Syndrome), which, like the more mundane monthly affliction observed in human females, have been known to trigger wanton attacks on the innocent - with the added embarrassment of rapid hair growth and a serious underbite that defies the efforts of the best orthodontists. |
Western Civilization
The reviled culture of Dead White European Males; notable for having survived the onslaughts of Visigoths, Vandals and Vikings, only to sputter out unlamented during the age of Video. Spurned by enlightened academics who find it insufficient as a means for promoting their political agenda. Unpopular, too, among those who sense their shortcomings all the more acutely in the presence of the sublime. Still recognized by some authorities for having made a few notable contributions to the advancement of our species; e.g., flying buttresses, forks, bifocals and dental floss. |
Wetlands
The marshy wilderness frequented by ducks, the hunters who shoot them, the environmentalists who lecture the hunters, and the profiteer developers who inevitably outfox them all. |
White-collar Crime
A reprehensible greed-related offence that generally lands the perpetrator in an exclusive country club. |
