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Third World
Popular geopolitical term of dubious etymology, as its perpetrators still balk at revealing the identities of the First and Second Worlds. Describes any nation whose entire middle class can fit comfortably aboard a large passenger ship, and in some cases already has. |
Thrill Sports
Any of the climbing, flying, gliding, jumping, speeding, diving or neck-breaking pastimes pursued by an intense breed of quasi-professional experts, who repeatedly risk death to savour the same jolt of electricity some of us feel when we spot a hawfinch at the bird feeder. |
Time Bomb
An explosive device set to detonate in the very near future, like an unmarried male subscriber to Nazi Life who has just been dismissed from his warehouse job at Mad Manny's Appliances. |
Token
Lone representative of a disadvantaged group, brought in to quash rumours of discrimination; eg., a white player on a professional basketball squad. |
Tollbooth
A man-made bottleneck installed at the entrance to major roads, bridges and tunnels in some countries, causing motorists to drum on the dashboard while they observe the Cynic's Law of Line Selection ('The line one chooses at a toll-booth or supermarket checkout is invariably the slowest, regardless of its apparent length'), along with Corollary A ('If the line one chooses is not already the slowest, it automatically becomes so as soon as one chooses it') and Corollary B ("The amount of time one must wait varies in direct proportion to the urgency with which one must pass through'). |
Toupee
A hairy fig leaf for a naked pate. |
Tract Homes (U.S.)
Suburban domiciles built in mass quantities along virtually identical lines, for families who lead virtually identical lives. Formerly produced at low cost; always produced at the expense of the landscape. |
Traffic Lights
Metaphor for the periodic stops and starts along the highway of our ambitions; commonly rigged, as in life itself, so that the driver who hits one red light hits them all. |
Train
The most civilized, comfortable, romantic and therefore obsolescent means of public transport. |
Tranquillizer
The opiate of the middle classes, prescribed as a remedy for anxiety, melancholia, chronic facial tics and other perfectly rational responses to modern urbanized society. |
