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T-shirt
A portable personal billboard, emblazoned with a suitable commercial logo or message that creates an instant identity for the wearer and proclaims it to the world; in its unadorned state, considered an article of underwear. |
Tabloid
A compact journal filled with tall tales of celebrity infidelities, woes, gaffes, feuds and diseases, so as to minimize mass resentment of their undeserved fame and wealth. Proof positive that the public rewards those who insult its intelligence in an entertaining manner. |
Taboo
Any strict cultural prohibition that, when breached, causes everyone in the group to gasp; e.g., cannibalism, public nudity, serving fried pork rinds at a Hasidic wedding, or answering the question How are you? in the negative. |
Talk Show
A televised opportunity for people to confess to millions of viewers what they would be ashamed to admit to their next-door neighbours. |
Tanning
An attempt by pale Nordics to approximate the rich native hue of Arabs and Hispanics, with the results ranging from lobster red to burnt orange to light pink with ominous brown speckles. |
Target Marketing
A selling strategy that succeeds by staking a small claim and mining it to the hilt; e.g., advertising in a magazine aimed at affluent male backpackers between the ages of thirty-five and forty-nine who live in Cheshire and play the kazoo at pet funerals. |
Tattoo
Lurid images of skulls, spiders, red hearts and unicorns permanently drilled into the burning flesh of motorbikers and other primitives, who actually pay to become walking repositories of the world's worst art. A recent trend is to decorate parts of the body generally concealed from public view, adding an intriguing twist to the age-old invitation to 'come over and see my etchings'. |
Tax Revolt
A defiant gesture by people who gladly eat from the public trough but resent having to pick up the bill. |
Teacher
Hardworking host of a daytime talk show, sadly underpaid by show-business standards and frequently tuned out by large portions of the audience, some of whom might be forced to spend the following year watching reruns. |
Teaching Assistant
A young scholar assigned by major universities to explain difficult subjects to undergraduates, preferably in an impenetrable foreign accent. |
