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Smoking
Voluntary self-pollution, still a favourite hobby among millions of enthusiasts with abbreviated life expectancies; once an almost compulsory adult pastime, imbued with the hard-boiled romance of big-city private eyes and lady spies in trench coats; now banned in many public areas by Britain's health police, foreing renegade hobbyists to take a whiff of fresh air along with the fatal weed. |
Sneakers
The rubbery footwear cherished by hyperactive youth and pretenders to that status. The more prestigious varieties can cost nearly as much as a night in a good hotel, but it is in a hospital ward that numerous inner-city youngsters wake up after refusing to surrender their favourite pair. |
Snobbery
The belief among the upper classes that all members of the lower classes are louts; the corresponding belief among the lower classes that all members of the upper classes are twits. |
Soap Opera
An open-ended televised chronicle of sex and pettiness among the well-to-do, known to ensnare the unfortunate addict for a lifetime of wretched dependence. The bastard offspring of the nineteenth-century serial novel, scaled down to better reflect the tastes and aspirations of a postliterate audience. |
Soccer
The primary excuse for rioting in nations other than the U.S. |
Social Register
Dial-a-Deb. |
Social Security
An allowance paid to a large proportion of the population in inverse proportion to their need, so that the poor among them might spend the rest of their lives eating dog food. As the elderly population booms and funds dwindle, everyone may be compelled to eat tree bark. |
Social Workers
Altruistic souls who renounce wealth for the opportunity to engage in lively repartee with irate poor people. |
Socialism
Transformation of the state into a bumbling Robin Hood, a pudgy grey bureaucrat who robs from the spirit to give to the poor. |
Sociobiology
The cynic's science, based on the theory that the individual man, orangutan or sea cucumber is simply a convenient mechanism for ensuring the survival of ancient and dictatorial genes. |
