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Package Tour
A professionally planned holiday designed to sustain the reassuring illusion that one has never left home; a feat accomplished by housing the travellers in familiar hotel chains, conveying them on air-conditioned buses, and keeping them in the company of captive fellow tourists who all resemble Uncle Harry and Aunty Margery. |
Packaging
The glossy outer wrap that can sell us on a second-rate product, which explains why so many corporate job applicants and aspiring politicians take refuge inside it. |
Paparazzi
Pesky flies that swarm around the meatier celebrities, taking an occasional bite before being flattened by a timely swat of the tail. |
Paranoia
The pathological belief that one is important enough to be the object of a conspiracy. |
Parasite
A base creature that extracts a living from the lives of others, like a tapeworm or a biographer. |
Parenting
Raising children, esp. by consenting adults of heightened consciousness and sensitivity. Gerund form of the verb to parent, conjugated in the present indicative as follows: I parent we parent thou parentest you parent, they parent |
Park
A picturesque parcel of landscaping set aside by cities for use by muggers, drug dealers, squirrels and habitual sex offenders. |
Parking Meter
We spend a quarter of an hour searching for a well-situated one so that we can avoid walking sixty seconds to the store entrance. It takes our spare change but never delivers a jackpot; when the word EXPIRED appears in the window, the house collects from us. |
Parliament
A majestic edifice that houses a debating club on one side and a wig shop on the other. |
Pasta
Concentrated carbohydrates of Italo-Chinese ancestry; available in a profusion of shapes, sizes and fashionable colours, all of which taste like macaroni. |
