|
Livestock
Peaceful beasts who, like so many model employees, fail to see the chopping block in their future. |
Lobbyists
Political lounge lizards who practise their seductive arts in the corridors of power. |
Lobotomy
A permanent numbing of the brain, generally accomplished through surgery but also attainable by watching any home shopping channel on a regular basis. |
Loch Ness Monster
A publicity-shy plesiosaur said to lurk in the depths of a glacial Scottish loch and presumed to have so lurked for upward of sixty million years without benefit of jogging or oat bran. |
Loitering
The crime of doing nothing in particular, particularly in public. |
Loneliness
A fatal separation from kindred spirits, felt acutely by thoughtful souls in crowded shopping malls and corporate cafeterias; effectively remedied by reading a good book in solitude. |
Loner
An odd fellow who prefers his own follies to those of his neighbours, and procures for himself the freedom to develop into a genius, a nonentity or a chain-saw murderer. |
Looks
The primary criterion for social bonding in a society ruled by the mass media. Marriages tend to occur within the same aesthetically defined class, with beauty accruing to beauty and homeliness to homeliness - except for the occasional actress who mates with her business manager. |
Looting
A public shopping spree generously sponsored by local merchants in the wake of a riot. |
Loser
Anyone too incompetent to master the ways of the world, or too proud. |
