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Industrial Area
The ageing heart of the country, now in the terminal stages of coronary disease; a grim northern realm of blackened brick mills and foundries, blackened snow, blackened lungs and blackened spirits; the faded empire of coal, steel, railways and other industries now dead or wheezing; a province more deserted than entered into, as its citizens depart for southern parts or that great coke oven in the sky. |
Inferiority Complex
The fatal self-doubt afflicting those who have witnessed too many examples of success in the media and not enough in their own lives . . . who have failed to see through the bravado of their equally insecure peers ... and who have concluded that perhaps they actually do deserve to earn less than the used-car dealer whose idiotic commercial blares nightly from the TV. |
Inflation
A monetary abundance that raises our salaries by x per cent and the price of everything else by x + 1 per cent. |
Infomercial
A late-night talk show without commercial interruptions, offering hope for overweight women or balding men, companionship for lonely folks who are not too particular about the company they keep, and a chance for insomniacs to catch up on needed sleep. |
Information Highway
Where the telephone, television and computer merge onto a single high-tech turnpike, with tollbooths stationed at regular intervals. Where most of us will be spending our time if we wish to travel into the future, even though the real adventure and atmosphere will always be found on the back roads. |
Inner Child
The imprisoned spirit of our youthful selves; the little voice that from deep within us is heard to say, "This inner-child stuff is bunk!' |
Inner City
In the U.S., the place where the outsiders live. A black ring on the urban dartboard, sandwiched between the white downtown bull's-eye and the equally white outer ring of suburbs. Anyone who lands there automatically forfeits all his points. |
Instant Replay
A sports fan's deja vu, useful for savouring the great moments as well as the bonehead plays; a similar device in the minds of neurotics tends to rebroadcast more of the latter than the former, complete with a lifetime supply of nagging commentary. |
Instructions
All that stands between us and an ability to use our latest imported electronic gadget; an informative booklet written for those who don't understand modern technology, generally by those who don't understand English. |
Insurance
A form of gambling in which we bet against our chance of escaping disaster, and win only when we lose. |
