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Ice Hockey
A professionally staged brawl intermittently interrupted by the spectacle of men on skates chasing an oversized poker chip around an ice rink. |
Identity Crisis
When an intellectual realizes that the most profound influence on his mental development was Looney Tunes. |
Ideologue
Typically an obscure humourless zealot who finds fulfilment by spouting the ideas of famous humourless zealots. |
Illegal Aliens
In the U.S., expert swimmers who heroically volunteer for the least desirable jobs, thereby sparing unemployed Americans the degradation of under-employment. |
Imperialism
The undue influence of a powerful nation over weaker ones; a charge traditionally levelled against the U.S. by radical foreign students who willingly surrender six months' allowance for a pair of American blue jeans. |
Impotence
An inopportune malfunction of the coupling mechanism in men, causing much mortification to the male ego, which in turn virtually assures future malfunctions of a similar nature. |
In-crowd
The Sultans of Snoot. |
In-laws
A matching set of warm bodies acquired along with one's spouse as part of the matrimonial package; a team of natural adversaries in whom you may see reflected, as in a funhouse mirror, all the irritating quirks you had barely noticed in your beloved. |
Inbreeding
A grotesque magnification of undesirable traits caused by a lack of cross-pollination; a phenomenon occasionally encountered in isolated communities, but more often observed at corporate board meetings, chat shows or Hollywood award ceremonies. |
Income Tax
Why our money is like a shirt that emerges from the wash two sizes smaller... or a homemade pie that pops out of the oven with a slice already missing ... or a pound of hamburger that shrinks to the size of an oatmeal cookie. |
