|
|
Folk Singers
Shaggy bards who emerge from underground during times of social unrest, let out a few nasal roars, then return to coffee-house hibernation until the next major upheaval. |
Food Chain
The vast hierarchy of predators, with plankton at the bottom and marketing executives at the top. |
Football Cards
Pocket-sized portraits that may be hoarded, gambled or traded at the discretion of the owner; notable for teaching our youngsters that some men are worth more than others. Once the currency of boyhood, slowly amassed with pennies and street sense; now chiefly a speculative commodity exchanged among fanatical dealers who used to be boys. |
Formula
A precise recipe concocted by paediatricians as a substitute for mother's milk, or by hack writers as a ticket to best-sellerdom. |
Foundation Grant
Bourgeois beneficence that enables unmarketable artists to continue expressing their contempt for bourgeois values. |
Fraternity
In the U.S., a secret society for the indoctrination of college boys into the time-honoured male traditions of drinking, debauchery, backslapping and mutual physical abuse. |
Free Gift
The kind you receive when you pay for a mail-order offer, as opposed to the kind that costs you nothing. |
Freedom of Religion
The constitutionally guaranteed right to worship one's God anywhere except on public property, which today must be made safe for school-sponsored rap concerts and alternative-lifestyles discussion groups. |
Freedom of Speech
The inalienable right of all citizens to have their opinions shouted down by the guardians of political correctness. |
Fundamentalist
Anyone who takes the Word of God too seriously. |
Funeral Home
A stately manse occupied by transients who continually receive visitors but lack the energy and inclination to entertain them. |
Fur Coat
A collection of disembowelled mammal corpses draped around the shoulders of wealthy women and frequently splattered by angry activists in leather sandals. |
