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Federal Deficit
The bill for operating the aforesaid machine. |
Feminist
A woman who intends to fulfil her destiny by aping the worst traits of her oppressors. Also a man who believes that siding with women will get him more dates. |
Fibre
Edible wood-pulp said to aid digestion and prolong life, so that we might enjoy an extra eight or ten years in which to consume wood-pulp. |
Fiction
The fine art of narrative literary invention; notable at present for meticulously re-creating the mindless monotony of contemporary life for the entertainment of English professors and their captive students. |
Film-maker
Fabricator of celluloid entertainments, esp. those the major studios refuse to produce. Usurper, in postliterate society, of the cultural throne once graced by poets and authors. |
Final Exams
A series of Judgement Days endured by students throughout their academic careers and often for many years thereafter, shortly before they wake up in a cold sweat. |
Firearms
Lethal weapons that all Americans are constitutionally entitled to keep in their homes, where they tend to be used less to ward off intruders than to settle family disputes in a decisive and permanent manner. |
First Aid
An emergency exercise that helps concerned onlookers feel useful while the victim expires. |
Fishing
A venerable contest in which modern man pits his intelligence and technology against the native wit of primitive aquatic vertebrates, and generally finishes second. |
Fitness
Salvation through perspiration; an unfair physical advantage in the struggle for survival, which of course should be determined on the basis of character, friendliness and an appreciation of eighteenth-century English prose. |
