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Ecosystem
The environment viewed as a delicately balanced contraption: discarded Balloon (A) chokes Duck (B), which expires and pollutes Pond (C), which kills Minnow (D), which drives away Pied-billed Grebe (E), which distresses Bird-watcher (F), who contributes to Friends of Wetlands (G), which lobbies members of Parliament (H), which passes Antipollution Law (I), which cuts profits of Toxico Ltd (J), which lays off 20 per cent of its Payroll (K) including Stanley Frimley (L), who now has more time to walk in the park with his daughter Danielle (M), who lets go of Balloon (N), which unfortunately pops in the Stratosphere (O) and drops into Pond (P), where it catches the attention of Duck (Q). |
Editor
In the publishing industry, a diligent intellectual drudge condemned to a lifetime of embarrassingly meagre pay, so that multi-thousand-pound contracts might be awarded to semiliterate celebrities for their ghost-written memoirs. |
Ego
A helium-filled balloon that often lifts the ambitious to lofty destinations, where the change in pressure can cause it to pop unexpectedly. More practical citizens inflate their balloons with their own breath, taking care to avoid the pins and needles of ill-intentioned colleagues. The most sensible of all carry an unin-flated balloon in their back pocket for safekeeping. |
Elder Statesman
A political reprobate whose sins are forgiven as he begins to resemble our grandparents. |
Electric Guitar
A rigid musical appendage worn below the belt by the high priests of rock, who then commence to strum it before a delirious congregation. |
Embalming
The metamorphosis of the deceased into a waxwork bearing a superficial resemblance to the living person, who is no longer around for comparison. |
Endangered Species
Any biological tribe whose chances of survival are impaired by wanton persecution, withering competition, maladaptive behaviour, or the destruction of a congenial environment; e.g., mountain gorillas, humpback whales, giant anteaters and teachers of Classical Greek. |
Endorphins
An indwelling pleasure drug triggered by activities that satisfy our individual needs; e.g., when a jogger jogs, a rock climber climbs or a serial killer finds a fresh neck in a dark alley. |
Endorsement
The common practice, esp. among celebrities, of renting out one's good name to promote a denture cream or a politician - whichever represents the better career move. |
Entertainers
Heirs to the wandering bards and jugglers who used to earn their bread by amusing the king; today they travel in limousines and phone their business managers about buying the castle. |
