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Cockroach
An ugly, greasy, universally reviled six-legged free- loader with a fondness for procreation and leftovers. One of nature's all-time success stories, suggesting that the gods love an obscene joke. |
Cocktail Party
How middle-class achievers socialize with their comrades: standing face-to-face while wielding small, hollow shields that may be refilled on a regular basis. |
Cocooning
A college-educated Baby Boomer's idea of heaven: curling up on the sofa with a just-opened bag of crisps, a cat purring nearby and, on TV, an extended episode of Neighbours. |
Co-dependency
A fashionable malady concocted by self-help gurus so that mentally healthy women might have a psychological disorder to call their own. |
Coffee
A mud-brown beverage consisting of granulated tropical beans methodically dribbled into scalding water, and consumed in copious quantities for its power to produce a satisfactory level of nervous agitation. |
Cohabitation
Living together with probable intent to practise conjugation; a semi-scandalous lifestyle shared by young libertines and elderly pensioners, although not usually in the same dwelling quarters. |
Cola
Brown champagne; an effervescent, sugar-saturated, heavily promoted libation made from an obscure species of African nut and occasionally enhanced with extract from the leaves of a popular South American shrub. Ranks among the world's most widely consumed beverages, despite its nondescript flavour and the apparent narrowness of its age appeal: on TV ads nobody who drinks it appears to be younger than seventeen or older than nineteen. Medical studies have yet to determine if the brew possesses rejuvenating powers or whether heavy users should be advised to make out their wills during spring break. |
Collectible
An addictive substance that demands a staggering portion of our discretionary income, so that we might die with a complete set of vintage tin openers and £150 in the bank. |
College
1. A fabled oasis consecrated to higher learning and inspired mischief; a realm of giddy camaraderie ... of late-night debates on politics, pizza toppings or Plato's Theory of Forms ... of brisk walks and exhilarating talks on frosty quadrangles ... of ancient cupolas and gothic towers aglow in the fading winter light, as one's youthful heart quickens with romantic hopes and merriment. 2. (chiefly U.S.) A politically correct establishment that indoctrinates contemporary students with economically correct money-making skills while it introduces their parents to the concept of poverty. |
College Athletes
1. (U.S. football and basketball only) Burly Cinderellas whisked out of the ghetto to lead a life of unimagined luxury and privilege in the public arena, then shuttled home in rags at the end of four years. Sometimes the prince comes calling with a professional contract; more often it's just the local drug dealer. 2. (all other sports) Actual college students who may still be recruited to fill the rosters of the fencing and badminton teams and the like, since nobody will be watching anyway. |
