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Chic
Considered smart without the deadening implication of intelligence. |
Childhood
The rapidly shrinking interval between infancy and first arrest on a drug or weapons charge. |
Children's Names, Fashionable
The Gideoning and Aramintaing of an entire generation by parents of contemporary sensibilities, who seem unconcerned that they might be creating the next century's 'Eustace' and 'Bertha'. |
Chocolate
Luscious ripples of fat extracted from a Latin American bean and soon added to our waistlines. |
Cholesterol
1. (Britain) The killer sludge; a stealthy assassin waiting for assistance from just one more cheeseburger to close an artery and a life. 2. (France) The primary ingredient in the longevity-enhancing national diet, in conjunction with wine and nonchalance. |
Christmas
A warm and cheery two-month festival that celebrates the joy of retail merchandise. |
Christinas Cards
An annual opportunity to discover who your friends are, esp. by holding out until the final week and scratching the delinquent names from your list. Another effective technique is to snub marginal friends who snubbed you the year before, which virtually assures that they will send you a card; one may thus sustain a satisfying lifelong pattern of alternate-year snubbing. |
Church
Where old people go to contemplate God, and young people go to contemplate the other young people. |
Chutzpah
The endearing effrontery of a mugger who threatens to sue his victim for bleeding all over his new suit. |
Cigarette
A flimsy paper cylinder packed with dried leaves and set afire for the purpose of inhaling the smoke and toxic substances produced therefrom. An indispensable prop, throughout most of the twentieth century, for tough-talking adults and aspirants to that status. |
