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Carbon Monoxide Poisoning
An effective means of suicide, formerly accomplished surreptitiously inside one's garage; now achievable by anyone who inhales deeply in Mexico City. |
Car Boot Sale
A modest suburban flea market for the unloading of black-velvet paintings, surplus fondue sets, volumes of condensed 1950s bestsellers and other household artefacts that never quite attained the status of heirlooms, except that future owners will be handing them down from sale to sale. |
Careerism
The widespread belief that life offers nothing so sublime as the opportunity to climb two or three steps up the corporate pyramid over a period of forty years. |
Car Phone
The ideal gift for a sadistic boss who tends to lose control when he shouts into the receiver. |
Casino
A gaudy smoke-filled den presided over by men with no necks, and patronized by busloads of congenital optimists. |
Caste System
A hierarchy of rigid class divisions imported from the Hindus for the purpose of curbing runaway democracy. Examples: salaried workers doctors psychiatrists upper classes, hourly workers nurses psychologists horses, patients astrologers, everyone else |
Catalogues
Little stores that arrive by mail until we have a shopping mall where our living room used to be. |
Cat Show
An opportunity for feline fanciers to purr over the latest perversions of selective breeding. |
Celebrity
A professional famous person; one who, for a few seasons of notoriety and wealth, must endure rabid fans, vicious tabloid reporters and the company of other celebrities. |
Celibacy
A respite from the pleasures and perils of sexual congress; a way of life traditionally practised by Catholic priests, monks, Shakers, stamp collectors, overly zealous careerists, Star Trek fans, hermits and amoebas. |
