|
Baby
1. (pronounced BAY-bee) The object of a parent's adoration: a beloved bundle of bodily functions. 2. (pronounced BAY-beh) The object of a rock singer's adoration: a beloved bundle of bodily functions unrelated to those implied in definition 1. |
Baby Boomers
A hip generation of perennial juveniles whose turbulent history commenced with 'Sooty' and reached its zenith with the arrival of a boy wonder to lead the Left. |
Backlash
The inevitable gob in the face that greets any group spitting into the wind on social issues. The equal and opposite reaction to actions on behalf of women, minorities, political correctness, jogging, spotted owls, oat bran and other timely causes, sometimes legitimate, that have been marketed to the public with fatally obnoxious zeal. |
Backstabber
Key corporate position for an aggressive self-starter who intends to rise to the top. Candidate must demonstrate aptitude for slandering colleagues while projecting an image of selfless concern for the organization. Report directly to upper management. Oral skills highly desirable. Excellent financial rewards and growth potential. |
Bacon
What male providers used to bring home until it was deemed both carcinogenic and harmful to the sanctity of one's arteries; dietetically correct working couples now strive to bring home the arugula. |
Bad Breath
A noxious blast of freshly exhaled air, conveying the rich scent of multiplying bacteria or semidigested food to our helpless olfactory organs. An offence we tolerate in dogs but revile in our close friends and colleagues, which explains why certain individuals on dates may be seen hyperventilating furtively into their own cupped hands. |
Bank
Where money automatically increases in value, especially when we need to borrow some. |
Bankruptcy
Exhaustion of resources by an individual, a company or a society, following a period of carefree dissipation. The first two may skip town or seek refuge in a CVA; the third is usually out of luck. |
Barbarian
Member of a vigorous, rough-mannered horde that delights in the destruction of advanced civilizations; e.g., the Goths in Rome, the Spaniards in Peru, and teenage street hipsters in cities across Britain. |
Barbecue
A suburban summer ritual at which the eldest male of the household presides over a burnt offering that's undercooked on the inside. |
