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Advertising
A glittering trap baited with the promise of status, personal fulfilment, socially desirable breath or a more amusing sex life. Victims are invariably snagged by the wallet. |
Advertising Copywriter
The Cyrano of modern scribes, bound by honour to conceal his identity while his scented words woo customers for inarticulate clients. |
Aerobics
A bouncy form of music-induced exercise, often led on video by sinewy women with stalled movie careers; said to improve the cardiopulmonary fitness of those who survive. |
Affectation
The attempt to boost one's social status by aping the mannerisms of a more prestigious class, as when bourgeois celebrities appear on talk shows wearing hole-in-the-knee jeans. |
Affirmative Action
Liberal euphemism for 'No male Caucasians need apply.' |
African Elephant
Ivory on the hoof; the unfortunate custodian of impressive dental works that have struck the fancy of man and thus secured it a place in history alongside flying reptiles and Phoenicians. |
Agent
A street-smart wheeler-dealer who manages a stable of warm bodies, arranges profitable assignations and reaps a portion of the proceeds, generally without wearing a broad-brimmed hat. |
Agent's Fee
The tribute that art pays to commerce. |
Ageing
A supposed ripening into wisdom that most Westerners attempt to delay as long as possible. |
Agnosticism
The wavering faith of those who ask, 'If God is all-powerful, why doesn't He have a stronger handshake?' The only rational attitude toward an unknowable Providence, and unfortunately the only one that denies its adherents the certainty enjoyed by believers and atheists alike. |
