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TALL, BEING
Tall women are more likely than short women to fracture their hips (they have farther to fall) and to develop breast cancer. |
TATTOOS
People being tattooed risk allergic responses to the pigments, as well as exposure to blood-borne pathogens. Many potential blood donors have to be disqualified because they have been tattooed during the previous year. Next time a three-hundred-pound Hell's Angel covered in prison tattoos sits next to you on the bus, explain this to him. We're sure he'll see the error of his ways. |
TAXICAB DRIVER, BEING A
Driving a taxicab is the occupation in which you are most likely to be murdered. (If you've ever been in one of those taxis where the driver speaks no known language and clearly arrived in the city about three hours ago, you'll understand this.) Taxicab driversalso have an unusually high rate of deaths from pulmonarytuberculosis. |
TEA, DRINKING
The caffeine in tea can increase the risk of miscarriages. Rumor has it that pro-life groups are campaigning to make tea illegal. |
TEA, NOT DRINKING
Older men who don't consume catechins, a type of flavonoid found in black tea, are more likely to die from heart disease. When possession of tea becomes a Class A felony, you guys are in real trouble. |
TEETH, GRINDING
If you grind your teeth in your sleep, you're likely to suffer from anxiety, joint discomfort and muscle aches, premature loss of teeth, sleep disruption, daytime sleepiness, and headaches although these last three may be because your bedmate is smacking you across the back of the head to try and make you knock it off. |
TEFLON
According to one report, Teflon used in cookware, insulation, fibers, and motor oils releases chemicals into the environment that take centuries to break down and whose long-term effects are unknown. Isn't it nice to know we may be leaving something for our great-grandkids to remember us by? |
TELEVISION
More than one thousand studies show a causal relationship between violence in media, including television, and aggressive behavior in children, with measurable and long-lasting effects including emotional desensitization toward violence in real life. (Nobody has yet proved that Tom and Jerry are directly responsible for a recent series of gruesome murders involving a giant hammer and a talking bulldog, but we'll leave you to draw your own conclusions.) Grade-school children can develop eating disorders and stereotyped views of ideal body size as a result of watching television unsurprisingly, as your average female TV star appears to be twenty or thirty pounds lighter than your average grade-school child. Children who watch the most television are most likely to pester their parents for toys and presents which we suppose may not actually be bad for you, if you have unlimited amounts of money and closet space. Alzheimer's patients tend to have watched more than average amounts of television in their younger years, and men who watch lots of television have a significantly increased risk of diabetes. Turn it off and go get a life. |
TELEVISION NEWS
Forget bringing up your kids to be socially aware. Children exposed to vivid news coverage of violence could suffer from post-traumatic stress syndrome and other problems. |
TENNIS
Tennis players have a high risk of skin cancers because of their extensive exposure to the sun. The referees are the ones in real trouble: they not only get exposed to the sun, they also get exposed to the tennis players. |
