Cynical Activities - S
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STROLLERS
In 1999,12,600 children under the age of five were injured in falls from strollers and baby carriages. Like we said, leave the kid at home. |
SUMMER
Summertime, and the living ain't as easy as you think. People born in the summer have a higher risk of eating disorders, depression, and dyslexia, and are more likely to kill themselves when they get old and less likely than children born in the fall to grow up to be star soccer players (which is actually not such a bad thing; see SOCCER). Summer also brings an upsurge in diseases spread by ticks or mosquitoes such as West Nile virus, dengue fever, Lyme disease, babesiosis, and ehrlichiosis. With greater air pollution and earlier summers, more people suffer from hay fever, which causes congestion, sneezing, itching, and runny nose, and leads in some cases to asthma or even death from pneumonia, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, or heart attacks. Hot weather can lead to depression, irritability, and violence—so if you're in air conditioning sales, watch out next time you tell that desperate client you might get around to him in November. |
SUN, TOO LITTLE
Too little exposure to sunlight may result in vitamin D deficiency, a condition that can cause the painful bone disease osteomalacia, as well as exacerbate bone loss, osteoporosis, and the risk of fractures, especially in adults over fifty. A lack of vitamin D is also causing rickets in increasing numbers of children. Too little sun can give you prostate cancer or seasonal affective disorder (SAD), whose symptoms include depression, lethargy, and an inability to concentrate, along with overeating and weight gain. No wonder the Vikings decided to leave Denmark (we're only surprised they managed to drag themselves out of bed). |
SUN, TOO MUCH
Maybe the Vikings should have stayed in Denmark. Too much exposure to sun can result in basal-cell carcinomas, melanoma (the most serious form of skin cancer), other cancers (as a result of gene damage and impairment of the workings of the immune system), and premature aging of the skin, or photoaging. Excessive exposure to sunlight in early life can lead later on to age-related maculopathy, a deterioration of the retina of the eye that is the leading cause of irreversible visual loss in the industrialized world. |
SUNBEDS
From the Hollywood Book of Really Tough Logic Puzzles: if too much exposure to the sun gives you skin cancer, what might you get from too much time on sunbeds whose tanning lamps mimic the effects of sunshine? If you answered, "Double the risk of developing squamous cell and basal cell carcinomas," give yourself five points. If you answered, "A totally cool tan," give yourself health insurance. |
SUNGLASSES
Celebrities take note: wearing sunglasses with colored lenses can affect your vision or make you color-blind. |
SUNSCREEN
Like we said, one of the few things we all still believe in (along with exercise and drinking lots of water) is sunscreen and we're sorry to tell you this, but even sunscreen is overrated. It protects you against the ultraviolet B radiation that leads to sunburn, but it only partly screens ultraviolet A rays, which produce fatal melanomas. Getting too confident about the effectiveness of sunscreen leads people to spend too much time in the sun; as a result, according to some studies, the more you use sunscreen, the more likely you are to get melanomas. In addition, a chemical used in most sunscreens may damage human cells. Has your crisis of faith kicked in yet? |
SUPER BOWL
If you and your spouse both want to watch the Super Bowl, that's great—just do it in different places. Super Bowl Sunday is the worst day of the year for domestic violence in the U.S. |
SWEETS
Eating a lot of sweets increases your risk of developing cancer of the colon. Explaining this to your toddler when he screams for candy at the checkout will not work. |
SWIMMING
Some researchers theorize that by-products of the chlorine in indoor swimming pools could cause pregnant women to miscarry or lead to birth defects in their children. Competitive swimmers run a heightened risk of developing breathing problems such as asthma. And swimmers' hair may turn green because of copper ions in the water. (Of course, in some subcultures, that adds a lot to your street cred.) |
SWIMMING LESSONS
Swimming lessons for children under four can give them and their parents a false sense of security without making it safer for them to be around water, possibly leading to an increased risk of drowning. Basically, feeling too safe is bad for you; but now you have this book, you'll never have to worry about that again! |
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