Cynical Activities - M
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MILK, DRINKING
And now, the part they didn't tell you in those cute little milk-moustache ads. You know about lactose intolerance, but did you know that consuming lots of dairy products can increase your risk of prostate cancer? Also, very young children with adiabetic parent may develop antibodies to insulin if they're fed cow's milk, increasing the chance that they'll become diabetic themselves. |
MILK, NOT DRINKING
Not drinking milk deprives children of vitamins A, B, C, and D, calcium, magnesium, and phosphorus, all of which are necessary for growth and development. Put that milk moustache back on. |
MINER, BEING A
Miners suffer from an unusually high incidence of asbestosis, coal workers' pneumoconiosis, malignant neoplasm of the pleura, and chronic obstructive pulmonary disease. They also run up huge bills at the laundromat and the canary store. |
MINING
Toxic cadmium from abandoned mines in Colorado is destroying the bones of the white-tailed ptarmigan and may also affect other birds, deer, elk, moose, rabbits, beaver, and possibly people. Environmental protection agencies are looking into this and will have a full report sometime between February and 2058. |
MISSISSIPPI
Mississippi is the most unhealthy state in the U.S. This is why everyone who's left is singing the blues. |
MOLD
Toxic molds from water damage in homes and offices can give off substances such as mycotoxins that lead to respiratory, skin, and cognitive problems. And molds are second only to pollens as a cause of airborne allergies. They make great biology projects for your little brother, though. |
MOON, THE
At the new moon, people are more likely to commit suicide. At the full moon, you're more likely to be bitten by animals, especially werewolves. |
MOTHBALLS
Many mothballs contain the chemical compound 1,4-dichlorobenzene, which is a suspected carcinogen. Well, most of us had already figured they couldn't be good for you, or how would they get rid of moths? |
MOTHERS, OLD
Don't wait too long to start that family: if they're born to older mothers, first children are more likely to develop diabetes before the age of fifteen. |
MOTHERS, TALL
Researchers have found that children of mothers taller than 5' 4" are twice as likely as children of mothers shorter than 4' 11" to fracture their hips when they grow up. Since tall mothers have tall daughters, who grow up to be tall women, who we already knew get more hip fractures, it seems probable that these researchers spent most of their grant money on beer and pizza. We are currently applying for government funding to research this hypothesis. |
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