|
MAN, BEING A
At any age, men are more likely to die than women. (It's possible that women actually live forever, but we won't be around to find out.) Boys are up to ten times as likely as girls to have Asperger's Syndrome, baby boys are more susceptible to childhood illness, young men die more frequently than women in road and other accidents, and older men die more often from industrial injuries and cardiovascular disease. Men are four times as likely as women to kill themselves, and twice as likely to get Parkinson's disease. Men get oral and bladder cancer two to three times as often as women do and are more likely to be late in seeking treatment for melanomas, making prospects for successful treatment less favorable. Men are slower than women to recover from coronary artery disease and are more likely to sicken or die from the effects of social isolation. Ladies, are you feeling sorry for these poor creatures by now? We didn't think so. |
MARIJUANA
If you smoke marijuana, your risk of a heart attack quintuples for an hour after you light up; for the period after that, it stays at twice the normal risk. This may or may not be because you ate two double-cheese pizzas and that weird stuff from the back of the fridge. |
MARIJUANA USERS
Young men who smoke marijuana are five times as likely to be violent as those who don't. (We find this pretty odd, considering that when we're stoned we can't even get irritated, never mind get up; but we suppose you could stretch far enough to hit someone with the pizza box if he was really messing with your head.) We're currently planning a small-scale study to test these findings; we'll let you know how it turns out, if we remember. |
MARRIAGE
Quarreling with your spouse can have a bad effect on your immune system, causing colds and upper respiratory infections. (This gives you another thing to fight about: whose fault is your head cold?) Unhappily married women also have a high risk of dying from cardiovascular disease, giving new meaning to the term "heartbreak." |
MARRIAGE: IN THE ELDERLY
And they lived happily ever after...for a while. Among the elderly, there are special risks in marriage, since an intimate relationship can be particularly harmful when it goes wrong. Older women who argue with their husbands can experience hormonal changes, and the immune systems of both husband and wife can suffer, leaving them more prone to infections and slower to heal. You're better off just having close friends. |
MEALS, LARGE
Remember this one as you're enjoying your delicious Thanksgiving dinner: having an unusually large meal increases your risk of a heart attack tenfold in the hour after eating. Mmm...large. |
MEAT, PRODUCING
The world's meat production is expected to go up by 50 percent over the next twenty years. This will force animal and human populations closer together, especially in the developing world, thus aiding the spread of disease as bacteria and viruses are passed back and forth. Got your foot-and-mouth vaccination yet? |
MEAT, EATING
Polishing off that giant steak down at Cowboy Joe's may feel like a macho thing to do, but not for long. Eating red meat can give you cancer of the prostate, colon, and rectum. Diets rich in animal fat may also increase your risk of esophageal and stomach cancers. |
MEAT, EATING WELL-COOKED
Women who regularly eat well-done hamburger, steak, and bacon have a risk of breast cancer 4.6 times higher than women who eat those meats cooked rare or medium. And you thought it all went straight to your thighs. |
MECHANIC, BEING A
Mechanics who work with hydrocarbon solvents such as petrol or rubber are at risk of developing Parkinson's disease and maysuffer from allergic contact dermatitis. On the other hand, you get more opportunities to mess with people's minds ("Well, it's either your spark plugs or your fan belt or maybe something else; come back in six weeks") than anyone except doctors and maybe construction workers. |
