Cynical Activities - F
|
FALLON, NEVADA
If you live in Fallon (which, fortunately, isn't likely), don't drink the water. Fallon's drinking water has one of the highest levels of arsenic contamination in America, ten times the limit recommended by the World Health Organization and arsenic can cause cancer of the liver, bladder, lungs, kidney, and prostate. |
FAMILIES, LARGE
When your kid asks for a baby sister, tell her she can't have one for her own good. Children in large families have a heightened risk of developing Alzheimer's later in life. |
FAMILIES, SMALL
On the other hand, when she asks if you can send her baby brother back, don't go along with that either. Children in small families have a heightened risk of developing asthma and frequent wheezing later in childhood. |
FARMING
Old MacDonald had a farm and a lot of other things, too. Farming women who are exposed to pesticides may have an increased risk of breast cancer. Both men and women on farms can suffer from pesticide-induced "mild cognitive dysfunctions" such as difficulties in speaking or problems in identifying words, colors, or numbers. Long-term use of organophosphates to treat sheep against parasites can damage the nervous system (which explains that glazed look sheep always have). Farmers also have unusually high rates of suicide and silicosis. |
FAT, BEING TOO
The "jolly fat person" is a myth; fat people have very little to laugh about. Obesity results in 300,000 deaths in the U.S. each year, and soon may overtake tobacco as the chief cause of preventable death in the United States. Being fat causes (or worsens) conditions like sleep apnea, osteoarthritis of the knee, shortness of breath, degenerative arthritis, cardiovascular disease, and gallstones, as well as a variety of cancers: one in ten fatal cancers affecting non-smokers is the result of obesity. The risk of diabetes increases by 4 percent for every pound of excess weight. Children who are overweight begin to feel a significant drop in self-esteem by the time they reach eighth grade, making them more likely to take up smoking and drinking; they also have a heightened risk of asthma and of artery damage that can lead to strokes and heart disease later in life. Overweight middle-aged men are more likely to have difficulty achieving erections, as well as to suffer from vascular dementia by the time they reach their late seventies. Seriously overweight women are 37 percent more likely than women of average weight to be clinically depressed during any given year and this entry probably didn't help. |
FATHERS, OLD
The older a man is when he becomes a father, the more likely it is that his child will suffer from schizophrenia, cancer of the nervous system or prostate, dwarfism, malformation of the skull, hands, and feet, or Marfan syndrome, which involves defects ofthe eyes, bones, heart, and blood vessels. If you're ninety-five and your new baby is healthy and beautiful, congratulations but maybe you need to have a little talk with your wife. |
FATIGUE
Fatigue causes one in every ten car crashes ending in serious injury or death. And just to reassure you next time you're in the hospital: in one study, more than one-third of junior hospital doctors reported that their hours of duty were so long that their work was impaired. |
FEAR
If you're scared of surgery, skip this entry, because it's not going to help. People who are afraid of surgery tend to have excessive bleeding during their operations, as well as infections and complications afterwards. |
FEET, SMELLY
If your feet smell, they'll probably end up itching too, since smelly feet attract Anopheles gambiae (a species of mosquito). And don't expect anyone to be around to sympathize, since smelly feet repel Homo sapiens (your girlfriend). |
FIBER, EATING
Dietary fiber, especially in the form of purified supplements, could increase your risk of developing colon cancer. They don't tell you that in the ads. |
|
|
